Watch Me Go round
by marcasite
Summary: The line between what is real and what’s new pushes at her and she knows that eventually she’ll have to push back.


_Written for the "then theres us" challenge: fairy tales_

* * *

_Ring a-ring o' roses,_

_A pocketful of posies._

_Ashes, ashes,_

_We all fall down._

*

Reality versus the magic that is fantasy. She now knows that there is a difference between the two. It wasn't an easy lesson to learn.

It's odd, really. She doesn't think she'll ever get use to this new life of hers in this new world that is different but exactly the same. The line between what is real and what's new pushes at her and she knows that eventually she'll have to push back.

She knows that she's not quite ready.

*

The nights are the both exhilarating and defeating; its quiet solace beckoning to her.

In her dreams, she sees a flash of blue and a blur of orange tinted lights and swears she's back on the Tardis. She can feel the whisper of ancient times, humming beneath her fingers as she brushes her hand against the console; willing her to come alive again. Come alive and carry her back to him. But its quiet and she's left with only a duplicate life, the one she had and the one she has.

At night, when there is no one there to see, she can slide back to the exhilarating memories of apple grass and crystal skies. Her smile tugs at the corner of her mouth as she dreams of being red riding hood and banishing the big bad wolf; never letting it touch them in their idyllic travels. She knows that she can do anything; be anything as long as he's with her.

Then morning dawns and she has to start all over again.

*

"But it was worth it in the end, yeah?" Her mum asks her. And she doesn't answer, doesn't know how she can manage not to scream back at her in pain. Here, her mum has a new and better life. Jackie doesn't have to see things in duplicates; doesn't have to break everything down into before and after. This Pete is her Pete and there are no blurred lines for her. So yeah, for Jackie, it was worth everything.

*

"Maybe you should get a hobby," Mickey is only half-kidding. "Or even come and work with us. You would be brilliant-"

She starts at Mickey's choice of words, for a second hearing the Doctor's voice exclaiming over something new and fantastic. She drifts between here and there; only to be pulled back again.

"-with everything that you've seen and done. It would be great to have your advice." Mickey doesn't stop; doesn't realize that he has almost lost her again.

Her lips curl in distaste, "Work for Torchwood? After everything they've put us through? I don't think so. I'm not sure how you can stand it."

"Yeah, maybe not," he shrugs. "But maybe you should just think about it. Might help, s'all I'm saying…and they did bring me back to you."

And the idea takes root, after his last sentence, that perhaps Torchwood is not as useless as she first believes.

*

Time had never mattered much to her before, it just was. Now, the hours are days, days are weeks, weeks are years.

And still she waits.

Mickey is the only one who accepts the waiting; the only one who doesn't insist that she move forward. He understands why she fears moving on and knows that, for her, it means leaving possibilities behind. But honestly, he's really tired of it.

"Rose, that life is over; it was fantastic and scary and everything you thought you wanted but this is it. This is what's real; no more here and there, no more fairy tales and secret games." He hates the edge of anger his voice takes on.

So it surprises him when she finally accepts a job at Torchwood. He thinks that she's starting to push the dark days behind her and accept the reality of this new life.

But he secretly knows that she's not ready to forget yet.

*

Over time, her smile loses its bitter edge and she can feel the tattered edges of her soul healing. She still misses him, misses him more than she lets on. It's an ache that she doesn't believe that she will ever get over. He gave her life meaning and hope; gave her love and so much laughter. He was the prince in all those stories and he made her believe that she was his princess.

Mickey believes that she's given up, accepted the reality of this different life of hers and she's ok with that. She knows, deep inside, that one day she'll need him to help her find the way back and he will.

Because Mickey still believes in her, the way the Doctor did, and it gives her hope.

And the possibilities, all of them even down to the most fantastic of them, seem endless.

.end


End file.
